I have a problem with this: living with intent. I want to have goals and I definitely have dreams and I always feel like I need a plan of some sort, but I forget about living each day with intention. Not focusing so much on the goal, but instead on the process. Processes are long and tedious, but when we focus on them fully and intentionally we will achieve things we never thought possible. I tend to get frozen by the vision of my goals and how huge they are and they end up stopping me in my tracks. So I keep picking up the same goals again and again and again, realize how huge they are and never make any progress toward them.
This year I am making a point to focus more on the process and enjoy the ride (both on bikes and in life!) I have a very full schedule with at least 30 hours of work a week, 15 credits of classes in my last semester as a Computer Programming major, and the intention of doing some actual bike racing this season. I have been so desperate these past few years to do well in my downhill racing that I have lost sight of why I do it. I really enjoy the competition and the riding and the atmosphere, but I think I spent too much time on social media seeing my fellow competitors kicking ass and taking names while I was unable to even race and when I did race, my performance was not what I had hoped for. This depressed me and made me less motivated to get out and work on my performance. I am very hard on myself and having grown up being picked on all through grade school and high school my self esteem has its fragile moments. I have trouble seeing my own strengths and often end up feeling only mediocre in everything I pursue. This year I hope to just focus on me and have fun with my bikes and my racing.
I am currently reading an excellent book titled Body Mind Mastery by Dan Millman which is an excellent read and I highly recommend it for anyone whether you participate in sports or not. One quote from Millman's book which really resonated for me was "An overnight success usually takes about 10 years". I have only been riding bikes for 6 years seriously. I feel like I've learned a lot, but have not progressed nearly as fast as some of my friends and fellow competitors. I think age, limited resources, and fear of being injured has a lot to do with that. There is a lot that goes on quietly behind the scenes of great successes that you never hear about, while some people do just come out of nowhere, but then fade away just as quickly because they really didn't work on their base skills. So if anyone out there is struggling in sport or life, just keep on keeping on and your time will come. Keep working on your dreams with daily intention and they will come to fruition. My dream is to stand on the podium at Mountain Bike Nationals at Snowshoe in 2017. If that is only in Cat 1, that is okay by me. I keep thinking I have to be Pro by now because all the ladies that I started out competing with have moved up, but their situations are different than mine, many of them have more opportunities than I do to ride, race and be coached, and most of them could be my daughters, so I need to stop comparing myself to them and just live my own dream. (And please, for the love of all that is good my friends, don't try to
tell me I should be riding Pro, because I am not at that level in my
head or my heart or actually even my skills yet and it only makes me
feel like shit when you say that. I am a Cat 1 rider at best, please
let me be happy there. When I stand on the top steps of multiple
podiums as a Cat 1 (or even Cat 2 at XC races), then you can start
razzing me.)
